Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
To help out, I am donating one Obama, one Pelosi, one Reid, one Frank, and two Clintons. They may keep them permanently.
I'd give them a constitution; but I can't find mine right now!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The new page includes study resources about becoming self-reliant and caring for the poor and the needy, including articles, scriptures, and other online materials. Self-reliance is a simple concept that encourages each of us to take responsibility for our own needs—physical, emotional, spiritual, social, and economic.
See a list of all the Church’s topic pages.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
- It's impossible to touch all your teeth with your toungue.
- All idiots, after reading the first fact, will try it.
- You'll discover that the 1st fact is a lie.
- You're smiling now cause you're an idiot.
- You will soon share share this with your idiot friends.
- There's still a smile on your face--that's cause you're an idiot.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
- The responsibility made me nervous.
- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
- Maturity leave.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Monday, January 11, 2010
- Americans spend $36,000,000 at Walmart every hour of every day.
- This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
- Walmart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
- Walmart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
- Walmart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most speak English.
- Walmart is the largest company in the history of the world.
- Walmart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
- During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
- Walmart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
- Walmart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago.
- This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Walmart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)
- 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Walmart.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
"We are flying aircraft on an average flight time of one hour around Europe," Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary told the Guardian. "What the hell do we need three toilets for?" Ryanair's pay-per-potty scheme hasn't yet materialized; officials estimate it will be at least two years before they have removed and reconfigured the airplane bathrooms.
Meanwhile, Japan's All Nippon Airways took a simpler approach by asking passengers to go to the bathroom before boarding in order to weigh less, so the plane would use less fuel.
From Time's Top 10 Oddball News Stories
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your Husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in Other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the men's restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6.August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12.October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but certainly not least:
15.October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
And with that growth came new demographics: 71% of Facebook users now live outside the U.S. and many of them are older than the site's original college-age demographic. But even more surprising than Facebook's exponential popularity was the announcement that, for the first time ever, the company was making money.
Facebook is a private company estimated to be worth about $15 billion. Not too shabby for a start-up run by a 25-year-old Harvard dropout.
Dubbed the Badlands Guardian, the "face" is actually a valley eroded into the clay. Some say the person appears to be wearing earphones; that's merely a road and an oil well.
From Time's Top 10 Google Earth Finds
Monday, January 4, 2010
First, the apartment building was constructed, then the plan called for an underground garage to be dug out. The excavated soil was piled up on the other side of the building. Heavy rains resulted in water seeping into the ground. The building began to shift and the concrete pilings were snapped due to the uneven lateral pressures. The building began to tilt, then toppled over.
They built 13 stories on grade, with no basement, and tied it all down to hollow pilings with little or no rebar.
Brought to you by the same folks that make your kids' toys and want to build your car.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Starting at 8 a.m. Monday and continuing for the next 72 hours, a social media blitz will be launched with the hope of spreading Powell's image throughout the Internet. The three-pronged plan calls for doubling the number of friends on the "Friends and Family of Susan Powell" Facebook page, using Twitter (http://twitter.com/FindSusan) to spread the reward poster for Powell, and telling people about a Susan Powell YouTube channel through e-mail.
"We are asking those who are following to forward the e-mail on to at least five of their friends from their address book and include links to the Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube channels," said James Hofheins, one of the event organizers. "In the subject line, put 'Forward to five friends.' "
In conjunction with the social media blitz, a purple ribbon campaign will be launched to keep Powell in the public eye. Facebook users are being asked to change their profile pictures to a purple ribbon for Powell.Learn more about the social media blitz for missing Susan Powell.
Want to help? Here are suggestions from the Friends and Family of Susan Powell group:
- If you have a twitter account, follow @FindSusan (http://twitter.com/FindSusan) and then tweet about her with a link to the YouTube channel below, using the hashtag of #findsusan – please also ask your followers to retweet your message.
- At 8 AM, Mountain Standard Time on Monday, January 4, we will have a new video slideshow with new pictures of Susan. Please go to our Facebook page to get the direct link to the video. If you follow us on Twitter (@FindSusan), we’ll also be tweeting the link throughout the Blitz. The official YouTube channel for this video and other videos about Susan is: http://www.youtube.com/susanpowellsearch
- Here is the link to Susan’s missing poster: http://bit.ly/4ppWVz - just scroll down to her posters. Again, please memorize Susan’s face and look around right where you are. If you see her, please note her location and condition and call 9-1-1 immediately. There is a $10,000 reward for finding her. Please also consider printing out a few and posting them at your local supermarket and other places nearby.
- Ask your friends to email email@example.com with “I want to help” in the subject line. If there’s a specific service you can provide for us, if and when the time comes that we can use that help, we’ll email you and let you know.
- Email 5 of your email contacts with the contents of this message and “Find Susan Powell – Please forward to 5 people” in the subject line. We’re not asking you to spam your friends, family and co-workers. Just email 5 people and if you choose to add more than 5, that’s great.
- Blog about Susan and our efforts to find her. Include the links in this email to help spread the word.
- Join us on the Friends and Family of Susan Powell Facebook Page here: http://bit.ly/findsusan
- Before, during and after the Find Susan Social Media Blitz, remember to tie a ribbon or wear a purple ribbon for "Susan's Purple Ribbon Campaign". This will increase the awareness and support for finding Susan and help give hope and support to Susan's family and friends!
- You can also pray for Susan and her friends and family.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Zytu Search Safe has created a safe browsing environment that is both entertaining and useful. You can watch thousands of videos and photos and be confident that you will find only family-friendly material. You can also upload and share your favorite videos and photos in a safe environment.
Zytu.org has created a content rating system similar to movie ratings. The content on Zytu receives a content rating of iG, iPG, or iPG13 before it becomes available for users. All content is rated, including usernames, profile pictures, videos, video titles, video descriptions, video comments, video tags, photos, photo titles, photo descriptions, photo comments, and photo tags.
When users come to browse the Zytu.org websites, they will only see content that has been given an iG rating. To gain access to additional content, users can create a Zytu account, where they choose the levels of content they would like their account to access. Parents can set up sub-accounts for children with specific rating levels.