When Grandma Goes to Court

Make a Difference

Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become , but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others. - Gordon B. Hinckley

Included on Actual Resumes

• I am interested in this position to keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail.
• My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando's proximity to Disney World.
• Qualifications: Twin sister has accounting degree.
• Salary requirements: Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.
• References: Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don't know their phone numbers.

Do the Walls Move?

Click to see larger version.

Pain Orthodontics?

Warning Label on a Chainsaw

DANGER: Do not hold the wrong end of chainsaw.

When Visiting China

List of helpful tourist tips issued by the Chinese government:

• Don't squat when waiting for a bus or a person.
• Don't spit in public.
• Don't point at people with your fingers.
• Don't make noise.
• Don't laugh loudly.
• Don't yell or call to people from a distance.
• Don't pick your teeth, pick your nose, blow your nose, pick at your ears, rub your eyes, or rub dirt off your skin.
• Don't scratch, take off your shoes, burp, stretch, or hum.

Signs

Sign at a castle in Segovia, Spain:

"Access restricted to unauthorised person."

Skydiving

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Warning

Warning label on the bottom of a cereal bowl:

"Always use this product with adult supervision."

Stupid Quotes

"I want something vegetarian, like grilled cheese or chicken fingers."

Rapper Eve, in the VIP area of the Blush Boutique Nightclub at the Wynn in Las Vegas.

Happy Fathers Day

Regan's Cow Manure Joke

Watch the video

Stupid Quotes

Singer Jessica Simpson to Pamela Anderson, as quoted in the National Enquirer:

"How did you guys run so slowly in that opening Baywatch scene...you know, where you're running down the beach?"

Sidewalk Art

Such good perspective, I can't even get my eyes to believe it's flat.

Caution: Do Not Eat This Truck

Is this a mosquito?

Nope! It's an insect spy drone already in production.

It can be controlled from a great distance and is equipped with a camera, microphone. It can land on you and then use its needle to take a DNA sample with the pain of a mosquito bite. Or it can inject a micro RFID tracking device under your skin.

It can land on you and stay, so that you take it with you into your home. Or it can fly into a bulding thru a window.

Read "The Transparent Society" by David Brin. 1984, here we come!

 

Near Death and Close Calls - The Ultimate Collection

Watch this video - the ultimate collection of near death and close-call experiences.

Never type "google" into Google!

Never type "google" into Google! See why at http://youtu.be/OqxLmLUT-qc

Try typing in "do a barrel roll" or "tilt."

Mobile Devices and Teens at the Airport

What Goes On in the Garden When You Aren't Watching

Watch this amazing video "The Beauty of Pollination" high-definition photography. Enjoy the hummingbird doing rolls chasing a bug. Watch closely (around 2 min 40 sec) to see the baby bat under its mother. Watch it full screen. Some of the finest photography you will ever see.

Senators Are People Too

"I know I'm the people's senator, but do I have to hang out with them?" --Senator John Edwards, as reported by former aide Andrew Young in his book The Politician

Relationship Timeline

Floating Boat

The water is so clear, this boat looks like it's floating in the air.

Sign at Lawn Mower Repair Shop